Thursday, July 11, 2013


...ugh I wish. I'm going to let you all in on a little secret. I don't even know how to play the lotto. 
Do I just go in and tell the cashier random numbers and she'll know exactly what I'm talking about?
How many numbers do I need? They have to be people's birthdays right?
Do I need to take that scantron test? 
Also how do you know you won? 
Does your ticket turn gold? Do you get an email? 
Seriously I will never win because I don't even get it. 

BUT if I do win, 

the first thing I'm doing is going shopping....and I don't mean clothes shopping, I mean FOOD shopping. 

That's right my first stop would be the local Market Basket... hell I may even take it up a notch and hit up Hannafords with their fancy fake trees in the produce section. I love that shit. 

It's like shopping in paradise.

I'm poor folks, and I've been poor for a long long time, and let me tell you grocery shopping sucks. I hate comparing prices and prioritizing and putting things back at the checkout while everyone gives me dirty looks. Ain't no body got time for that.

I want to run down those aisles throwing shit in my cart like I'm trying out for Super Market Sweep. 

I want to turn my nose up at generic brands and trade my Dr.Thunder for some Dr.Pepper. I want to get a personalized birthday cake from the bakery that says Happy FUCKING Thursday, just because I can. 
nailed it!

I want to buy all the magazines (instead of just reading them and hurriedly putting them away when it's time to pay) while I'm waiting for the teenage boy I scouted out in the parking lot and paid $500 bucks to unload my 15 shopping carts. 

Then I want to come home and sit on the couch with my fancy bottle of wine while my husbands puts all that shit away.

I might also buy every piece from Kiki La'rue.

Now somebody please fill me in on how to get on the email list for the's an email list right?

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