They knew he had a cyst, but they weren't sure if it was growing or if it was stable.
They told me I would probably be there a week, and they would decide sometime soon whether or not to do surgery.
He saw the whole list of specialist, and was checked on every 2 hours.
He looked normal to me, and I was in such disbelief and shock.
We were two hours away from our whole family, and while a few people did visit,
(Thank you, both moms, Joni and Matt!)
it wasn't the joyous occasion filled with visitors and flowers we were expecting.
Saturday morning came and the nurse walked in and said she was going to start our discharge...
....wait what?!
She told me everything seemed fine and we were BOTH going home.
I was so happy but so confused.
The doctors came in later and said there was going to be a lot of follow up tests but for now he was happy and healthy.
We started the two hour drive home, and when we got there, the whole family was there to great us.
I had a full on anxiety attack.
I was crying and hyper ventilating and didn't want to get out of the car.
I was terrified that any second someone else held my son was going to be a second stolen from me.
I didn't see family I saw germs, and if he got sick it would push off surgery.
He couldn't even get circumcised because if he needed surgery he couldn't have any open wounds.
I made it in to the house and straight into the bedroom.
I was embarrassed, scared, mad, confused, tired, sore, everything.
I got a message on Facebook (back when I had it!) that changed my attitude about everything.
A friend of mine told me
"It's okay to mourn the lose of your fairy tale"
Just typing those words makes me cry.
You have this whole ideal of what it's supposed to be like, and even though I had my beautiful son in my arms, I lost my fairy tale, but I had my son.
The next doctors appointment Chip had another MRI and the cyst showed no signs of growth.
It's called an Arachnoid Cyst, and it's true what they tell you about a diagnosis, DON'T GOOGLE IT!
It isn't life threatening, and that's all I needed to hear.
It would be a long road figuring out how and if it would affect him, but he was okay.
During the first year of his life he had over 12 MRI's, nerve ending testing, and many many many doctors visits.
On top of his cyst we got to deal with other issues like re-occurring ear infections (even after tubes!)
and this week we are dealing with a whole different issue.
I mean who doesn't want to do stool samples at 7:45 in the morning!
He will have to have routine MRI's to monitor the cyst as well as eye appointments, and I'm sure the list of specialists will grow, but the most important thing is that he's home with me.
He loves kisses.
His favorite word is no.
He is the best snuggler.
He yells at the dogs more than I do.
He's a great dancer.
He's an okay little brother (but that's what they are supposed to be right?)
He knows what he wants, and knows how to get it.
He is gorgeous, happy, and as healthy as I could ask for.
Hug and kiss all your little ones today for me, and remember life goes on after the fairy tale.
He is a super cutie!!! Hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteJules
I'm pretty sure my heart didn't beat the entire time I was reading this!
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing story and he has the best family to make this journey with!